Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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