Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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