i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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