Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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