This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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