i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
