I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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