corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
