I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
