I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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