I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize