Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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