if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
