ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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