then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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