1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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