When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My pussy is not your playground.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
