i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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