don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
