dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
