All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
