There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
