Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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