Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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