So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
