my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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