I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Everclear isn't food dammit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
