1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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