and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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