Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
