Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
