How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize