Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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