i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
