Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
