BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
