so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
