i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
