she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
