I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize