i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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