"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
