hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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