Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
