i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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