Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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