does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
