roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
