a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
