Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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