omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All I want is dick and wine.
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