if you like me you must not know who I am
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
