How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
