SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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