Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
