not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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