I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
