we're blogging at a bar
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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