we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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