our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
