O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
