I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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