I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
