I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
