I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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