So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
