Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
