He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
