You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
